Fear: Friend, Foe, or perhaps Invitation
Is fear a friend? A foe? Or, perhaps, an invitation?
Over the past month or so, I have noticed a rising sense of fear. Fear is not a familiar emotion for me. I have many other emotions that I am familiar with, but not fear. Anxiety–yes. Fear, not so much.
This was different. Fear had settled deep within me. I found it unsettling. It put me on edge, and I had difficulty remaining present in what was before me. My mind and my heart kept racing to the new and unknown things on the horizon. I had a sense of being called into new ways of companioning others and I found myself steeped in fear, wondering…
Can I do this?
Do I have what it takes?
Do I have the capacity?
I wasn’t just feeling afraid, I was filled with fear and being swallowed by ‘her.’ Fear was in the driver’s seat, and I was discovering that she was a terrible driver.
The intensity of fear was so unfamiliar I felt a need to discuss it with my spiritual director. During the conversation, I recalled stories in the Hebrew Scriptures where Jesus felt fear and what he did.
Fear must have been part of his experience at the Last Supper. But what he did was wash the feet of the disciples. He reached out beyond himself to others and used his body to minister and serve those he loved.
At the Garden [of Gethsemane], I imagine he was very vocal and expressive, and he asked his companions to pray. He sought the support that he needed when afraid. He was truthful to God about the fear of what he was being asked to do.
With the fear before Pilate, he was quiet.
When he carried the cross, he put one foot in front of the other.
And it was all accompanied, all with God.
I realized:
All these are ways of divinely interacting with fear.
I paused in the conversation, letting this sink in.
I wonder if Jesus felt he wasn’t enough, and couldn’t do what he was asked to do.
I paused again in the conversation and in prayer asked:
What did you do when you were afraid, Jesus?
You told the Father your fear and let the Father speak into the fear and reassure you.
You received it as grace, as more than your own inner wisdom. You believed it. And you moved from that place.
I wondered:
What is the word of the Father to be received and believed for my fear?
I paused again. The words I received were:
You are not enough by yourself, but you do have the capacity for this because you are not alone. “Enoughness” is not something you have by yourself. You are enough with Me, with the Trinity, with “Christ in you.”
I paused again. Another question arose in the silence:
When fear overtakes me, am I trying to do it by myself?
There was a pause in the conversation and my spiritual director said,
Perhaps, it is just God being honest with you, too?
She continued…
Your question, “…trying to do it by myself,” in this case sounds accusing. And I want to say, O dear Becky, maybe you are actually seeing Reality—what’s coming. God is not keeping you in the dark. So, a natural human response is fear.
In the book, 101 Essays That Will Change the Way You Think, a thread running through the essays is that Fear indicates Interest, which is an Invitation to become who you already are.
I encouraged her to say more.
I can’t. Only that all of our “firsts” have felt like this.
She paused, then said:
Hmm. “Fear is an invitation…”
I thought about that for a moment, then responded.
Fear is an invitation to become who I already am.
Questions to ponder:
Do you acknowledge fear when it arises?
What would it be like to trust the invitations of fear in your life?
Inspiration:
Consumed
Dark mornings know me best,
Know the fear I suppress.
It consumes my heart,
Constricts it tight.
Fear of love, fear of hate,
Fear of losing my own faith,
Fear of the future and what it holds,
Fear of growing so cold.
The night monsters watch me sleep,
Watch me writhe in painful peace.
They call themselves insanity,
Beckon me until I give in.
Afraid of not being good enough,
Afraid of giving too much love,
Afraid of letting you see me naked,
Afraid that we won't make it.
My tears won't appear tonight.
I'm all cried dry.
Scarlet drops replace them now.
I am dead inside and out.
Scared of letting myself go,
Scared of letting the world know,
Scared of what fear does to me,
Consuming me and making me weak.
—Elliee May
Fear
fear can keep you safe
and at the same time
that caution
is capable of killing
off the parts of you
that feel most alive
—JM Storm
Our Deepest Fear
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness
That most frightens us.
We ask ourselves
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small Does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking So that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine,
As children do.
We were born to make manifest
The glory of God that is within us
It's not just in some of us; It's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, Our presence automatically liberates others.
—Marianne Williamson
I am here to serve your soul in whatever ways you might need or long for … spiritual direction, spiritual companionship, leadership coaching, enneagram coaching, Ignatian Spiritual Exercises guide, and guided retreats. What does your soul need? What does your soul want?
With gratitude and joy, Becky